I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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