proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize