I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
