Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your cock deserves a montage
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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