wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude i'm inner monologue high
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
