Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
