I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
