Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
