I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
