I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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