only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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