that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
