good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
