hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
