it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
