dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
