Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
