So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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