My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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