There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
