Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
