Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
