and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
