We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
