there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
