apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
