3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
