Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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