Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we have officially lost it.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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