He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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