the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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