Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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