If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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