I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found puke in my bra..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize