We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
