Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
