I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
