I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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