So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
