Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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