Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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