i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize