I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
