Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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