I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
