Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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