so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Houston, we have a squirter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
