people are starting to question the shark bite story
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
