Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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