So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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