You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
