i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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