mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
