Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
