well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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