get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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