I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
