God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
