no, he came in my armpit
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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