people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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