i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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