Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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