Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
