New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
